Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh
Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.
-Just Breathe, Pearl Jam
That night would end up being one of the most special nights of her life, totally consumed by everything Edward.
As soon as he made it back to the house, dinner had been warming in Rosie’s slow cooker and Bella was comfortable in a long sleeve tee shirt and yoga pants. As simple as that sounded, it was perfection to Edward, who quickly took her in his arms and showed his appreciation with small kisses down her neck to where fabric met skin.
The evening was cool and the open french doors and windows offered a delicious breeze that enraptured them both while they laughed and talked about nothing and everything through dinner. Hand-in-hand they capped their meal with another bottle of wine outside in their usual spots on the Adirondack chairs.
When the night grew darker and desire filled the atmosphere between kisses, nibbles, and light touches, they retired upstairs to her room.
A warm bath was shared, their lips connected while hands splayed over warm, wet skin. When it was impossible to think of anything other than being together they embraced in bed and luxuriated in the closeness of one another, whispering I love you’s until they were both sated.
Instead of waking up to the warmth of his body the next morning, however, Bella found her bed cold and empty. A small folded piece of paper lay carefully placed on the pillow next to her-- Edward’s pillow now.
Dear Bella,
I don’t want to say goodbye, so I won’t. I didn’t want to wake you. You looked beautiful, peaceful-- heaven to me. I didn’t want to leave your side.
I have to be in the city for a while. Some projects have to be completed from there, and I have to tie up some loose ends. As much as I’d love to stay with you on our little island, duty calls. Hard to believe how much of my life is still anchored in Seattle and how much of it belongs here too... to you.
I love you, Bella. I don’t want you to forget that. Give me a month. Let me do what I need to do in the city. I’ll come back for you. It kills me to be away from you, but I’ll come back. I promise.
I’ll call you when I get in and settled.
I love you.
Edward
The note was short, but full of sadness and hope all at the same time. Bella honestly didn’t know what to make of it.
Did he want to come back and live here with her? They never actually sat down and discussed their options. She couldn’t possibly ask that of him. He said it himself-- he had a life in the city. Did he think she would leave the island, the inn, her life here for good?
What was their status? ‘Girlfriend’ seemed too trivial a title. They never once labeled what they were to each other. Suddenly, insecurities flooded her thoughts and she couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The words on the paper promised one thing, but her head wouldn’t allow her to believe it. She was her own worst enemy.
As she made her way downstairs to make coffee, her mind went through different scenarios of how all of this would play out. Before driving herself insane, however, she talked herself out of overreacting and assuming the worst. The bottom line was that Edward had his life in Seattle, and she wouldn’t force him to stay with her here. She couldn’t do that to him, and she didn’t think she’d ever want to leave her haven, her home. There was always the fear they would resent each other in the future.
No. She wanted to be better. But she finally wanted to do it for herself first.
She decided right then and there that she’d do what she needed to do to move forward and stop letting her fear disable her-- and that started with a simple phone call.
...
“Wow, so you’re actually doing this?” asked a proud Rosie, finishing up the dishes after dinner a week later.
“Yes ma’am, have an appointment tomorrow in East Sound at ten in the morning. Dr. Charlotte. She sounded pretty nice on the phone.” Bella fiddled with her phone, willing it to ring with Edward’s number on the caller ID. It had been a few days since they spoke on the phone, and their conversation-- although sweet and filled with comforting words and sentiments of missing each other-- didn’t include in-depth discussions on their future.
She knew it was silly to think that kind of a conversation could happen over the phone, but the limbo she felt they were in left her anxious and melancholic.
“Oh, geez Bella, why don’t you just call him? You’re driving yourself crazy. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you,” Rose abruptly changed the subject, sensing Bella’s uneasiness. Bella’s gaze broke from the phone to Rosie’s face and rolled her eyes.
“I’m pathetic.”
“No, you’re not. You’re just being stupid. What are you, fourteen? I think you guys are beyond the new relationship jitters, don’t you?”
“You’re right. I’ll call him... tonight.”
Rose let out a frustrated groan, shaking her head at her best friend’s insecurities. Walking over to her, she threw her arm around Bella’s shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze.
“You’re doing the right thing, seeing someone about your issues. And I’m not just talking about the fear of the water thing, but you should bring up all this nonsensical worry you have over your relationship with Edward. I know this step will be a positive one, and you’ll be able to move on with your life, with, or without Edward.”
Rosie’s frank words was one of the reasons why Bella loved her so much. She never buttered anything up, especially with Bella. It didn’t mean that it didn’t sting a bit knowing Rosie thought she might be a little nuts.
“And no, you’re not crazy, so stop thinking that.”
She apparently read minds too.
Bella managed to laugh a bit- at herself, at Rosie’s uncanny intuition, at the whole damn situation.
“Tomorrow then. The start of a brand new me,” Bella announced. Rosie shook her head and gave her shoulders another loving squeeze before disagreeing.
“No, Bella. Not a brand new you... a better version of you. An upgrade, if you will.”
Bella turned to her friend, arching an eyebrow before Rosie laughed and pulled away, leaving Bella to her thoughts.
...
Bella’s first therapy session was nerve wracking, to say the least. Dr. Charlotte turned out to be perfect for her, which was great considering she was the only therapist on the island.
Dr. Charlotte thought seeing her a few times a week would be best, so as the bust tourist season started to settle down, Rosie and Bella thought it would be best to close the inn a little early this year. The house was scrubbed from top to bottom, all curtains and linens were washed, pressed and stored, and furniture in unused rooms were covered in sheets.
East Sound was beginning to look like a ghost town, as the tourists and seasonal residents left the island to return to their permanent lives elsewhere. Bella took in the empty surroundings as she met Dr. Charlotte at the harbor for their first attempt to get on a ferry.
Bella thought back to the day she tried this with Edward. She’d totally lost it and felt small and useless. A sense of inadequacy made her doubt that she’d be able to do this again as she saw Dr. Charlotte speaking to the ferry attendant a few feet away.
I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this.
She repeated the mantra like a prayer.
It seemed her prayers would be answered.
That afternoon, after a couple of missed ferries, Bella finally... finally boarded.
It wasn’t easy, not by a long shot. But she was on.
She was able to stay on, with Dr. Charlotte’s calming words until the next stop at Shaw Island. They had coffee at the port’s little shop, and returned to the ferry for the trip back to Orcas.
Bella was beyond thrilled.
When she got home and called Edward to tell him, she got his voicemail.
When she tried him again the following day, the number had been disconnected.
She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Her insecurities, of course, lead her to think this was his silent way of telling her he wasn’t quite ready to let go of his life in Seattle.
But that’s absurd. You know him better than that. He loves you. He’ll come back to you.
That little voice became the little ray of hope that got louder and louder as she continued her therapy and became comfortable in her own skin, happy with her progress, the confidence in herself growing every day.
...
Two days later, Rosie had decided to take Bella out and enjoy a carefree evening in East Sound’s only bar. It wasn’t too extravagant, but it served its purpose for celebrating Bella’s breakthrough and new-found confidence.
Bella accepted happily, but with a twinge of sadness thinking about Edward, who she still had not heard from.
The evening turned out to be just what she needed. Between food, several drinks and a well-stocked juke box, Rosie and Bella danced in their little world, hardly a soul in the place except for a few locals. However, when Bella started to feel tired and asked to go home, Rosie seemed reluctant to grant her wish.
“Why stay here any longer? Let’s just go home and I’ll pop in some corny romcom or something,” Bella whined tiredly.
Rosie looked down at the clock on her phone over and over again, visibly torn.
“Rosie, what’s the problem? Waiting up for some hot date to show up?” Bella teased, swiping Rosie’s arm with her hand.
“Uh, what? Oh, no. No date. I just want tonight to be different. We should just stay out a little longer,” Rosie pleaded.
Bella agreed to staying a few more minutes, but when Rosie insisted that they stay “just five more minutes” about three more times, Bella had had enough.
“No, Rosie. I’m tired. Please let’s just go,” she said, eyelids already feeling heavy with sleep.
“Ugh, fine,” Rosie agreed, looking at her phone one last time, a smile growing slowly upon her lips.
“Oh, God, you’re sexting with that Emmett guy, aren’t you?”
Rosie had met a successful architect from Seattle online and had been trading emails and eventually text messages. Judging by the smirk on her face, Bella would bet money it was him.
“Let’s go home. You’re right. It’s late and maybe we can watch Sleepless in Seattle again,” Rosie said.
...
As Rosie inched her truck to pathway leading up to the inn, Bella noticed a strange car up front.
“Who’s that? That better not be a guest. I could’ve sworn I blocked out all the dates for the rest of the season. That stupid computer system. I would hate to have to turn them away.” Bella was visibly upset and was surprised when Rosie didn’t look the least bit perturbed.
“Well, who knows? Maybe they’re lost and need directions. They may not be a guest at all. Maybe your cousin?”
“No, she’d never come unannounced.”
They both walked up the path, and as the inn came into full view, Bella once again noticed something strange.
“Did you leave the lights on, Rosie?”
“Um, I don’t think so. Maybe you forgot. I don’t understand why you have to blame me for everything,” Rosie protested, but her amused expression once again made Bella stop.
“Wait. What’s going on, Rosie? You’re being a little too sneaky. I know you too well so don’t even think of lying.”
“Oh, Bella. Please. You’re paranoid. Just go and see who it is. I’ll go with you. If they need directions, I can always have them follow me to wherever they’re going,” Rosie dismissed with a wave of her hand.
Bella sighed loudly as she reached the front porch, slowly opening the door where the sight before her made her gasp.
“Oh!” She covered her mouth with her hand.
“Hi.”
Edward.
Bella couldn’t speak, partly from fright and partly from the shock and overwhelming joy of seeing the love of her life in the flesh once again.
Edward looked exhausted, hair in its usual disarray. It was like deja vu-- same plaid wool coat he wore when she’d first laid eyes on his beautiful face. In that moment, she could totally see the little boy of her memories.
Rosie’s voice vaguely registered in Bella’s mind. It sounded far, far away.
“Um, I’ll see you tomorrow, Bella. Edward, always nice to see you. Welcome back.”
“You too, Rosie. Thank you... for everything,” his soft, liquid voice nearly brought Bella to her knees.
Bella turned her head to see Rosie’s radiant smile as she said goodnight and looked at her best friend with contentment. She realized right then and there that the entire night had been planned and timed. Sneaky Rosie.
“Call me tomorrow... whenever. Or don’t.” She giggled and closed the door behind her.
The silence in the room couldn’t compare to the charged atmosphere that spread between Bella and Edward. His eyes shone brightly as he observed her, suddenly apprehensive as to how she would receive him.
“I didn’t know where you were.”
“I know.”
“You didn’t return my calls.”
“I know.”
“You disconnected your phone.”
“Yes.”
“I was worried.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“I’m surprised.” She nodded, eyes wide, still uncertain.
Edward was nervous. His heart raced and he suddenly thought that maybe he may have gone about this the wrong way. But then, as if the sun had broken through the clouds, Bella’s smile bloomed and he hardly had the time to apologize before she was in his arms, every limb wrapped tightly around him. He let out a shaky breath and inhaled into her hair as his arms reciprocated.
“Are you here?” He heard and felt her whisper against his neck.
“I’m here.”
“For good?”
“For good.”
Bella sighed into his neck again and giggled.
“I have so much to tell you. I went out on the water,” she whispered again.
Edward smiled against her temple and kissing her there he replied.
“I’m so very proud of you. I love you, Bella.”
“I love you too. Now take me to bed. I’m tired.”
“My pleasure.”
They both laughed as he ascended the stairs to love.
To live.
Together.
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